You've asked, and Tap Poet has delivered! Bringing you unique and creative in the styles of William Shakespeare, Sylvia Plath, Ted Hughes, Dante Alighieri, Maya Angelou, and, Sappho.
These poems were inspired by the greats, and we have done our best to emulate their style, tone and cadence!
Here they are!
Funny Poems About Aging In The Style Of William Shakespeare
From youth to aged doth time me transport,
When confusions of the skin and days distort.
Sonnets of sorrow, like the screeching fife,
Adorn with jests this dwindling mortal life.
To laugh at wrinkles, once a topic strange,
On this parchment of mine face now hath made change.
In crow's feet and furrows sculpted deep,
Reveal stories of mirthful moments to keep.
Hark! The age in wisdom tells its tales,
Of how we rode upon frail boats with tattered sails.
We danced in folly, our days spent in cheer,
As friends and lovers we'd oft embrace near.
The years gone by like a parade that hath passed,
Our visages transformed from first to last.
But memories live on—oh, yes they do—
And laughter fills our hearts anew.
Sweet Desdemona! Didst thou perceive?
Thine hair as silver threads did weave;
Yet still fair beauty dost thou possess,
In every grin and tease dost thou impress.
Dear Benedick—thy youthful cheek no longer round;
Didst thou not say 'twas “gray hair” thee found?
Yet fret not, beloved friend so dear,
Thine wit remains thy charm each passing year.
And what of thee, sweet Queen Titania?
Hast thine eyes betrayed thee in their panorama?
Not dimmed by age but sharp as any knife;
It was through tiny lenses came sharper sight!
Now turn toward me ye jester kings,
Regard how time hath toyed with my strings.
Forsooth! I be but an instrument well-strung—and tight;
My body thinning like shadow's waning light!
Though weary limbs and bowels oft protest'd
Methinks a sturdy frame is surely blest!
Seek not despair with aging's cruel delight;
For laughter hath the power to take our plight.
To my aged brethren, take thine hobbled bones
And dance wildly through life's remaining zones.
Let humor hold thee in its glimmering embrace,
And flood yon furrowed face with youthful grace.
Thus, as I pen these humorous lines so spry,
I shall not dread the tickling sands of time.
With jesters loyal and friends so fine,
I welcome age, sweet age to be mine.
Funny Poems About Aging In The Style Of Sylvia Plath
With every rasp of my larynx,
A cacophony of age, a symphony of gray,
The serenade to what has been,
And what will come in wrinkled array.
Dimpled crevices mark the spot,
Once red roses and dewy cheeks,
Now, spider web wrinkles race to be sought,
Scramble in tangled roots for the peaks.
Youth embraces gravity's smother,
A green leaf tethered taut in its prime,
But a crushing weight descends like another —
Clasping at skin with reckless abandon, it climbs.
While spirited runners feel the fleet-footed chase,
I'm left behind with cavorting joints;
A creaking crone or bristling broomstick remains —
Peering from windows, each ache anoints.
Ancient clock hands, they click and chime;
Marking time's passage as if taunting me.
Each second sneers with shuddering rhyme —
Leaden years creep upon this once nimble tree.
Ghosts of forgotten youth tap on my shoulder;
As cold as tombstones, these memories haunt.
With wiry wisdom snaking under the boulder,
Each passing reflection I fervently flaunt.
Yet gleefully I giggle a wheezing snicker;
For aging bestows a certain charm:
To grow into one's self and age along with liquor —
Both fermenting into a grace that disarms.
So stitch these lines upon my face like thread;
I'll collect them proudly like badges of honor.
They'll be tapestries mapping stories unsaid —
Stacks of books chock-full of laughter and ponder.
Funny Poems About Aging In The Style Of Ted Hughes
The wrinkles, like crows,
Tickle the night
Up into laughter and swoop
Down to dive at the moles
That come out of their holes
To hear the moon crackle.
Age, that ancient sorcerer,
Wove a clay pot from his beard
And sang the younger years in yonder shrub,
And catching the echoes of a hare's heart,
With a quaint tail-chant,
Made it dance on a thousand legs of moonbeans.
I swallowed them all, or so I thought.
But now they crawl out of my throat,
Like stale biscuits – crumbled words
Of plump blueberries and fountains that spout gold.
I go down to the river to fish for my youth.
I find nothing but an old sock and a bottle.
The light dances emerald in its prison.
There is no youth there. It echoes like hollow laughter.
Again I catch the sock, again I catch the bottle,
Hoping this time it will be reeled back as a sliver of grey:
A coin that weighs nothing in sunlight,
A coin that dies by night.
Alas! The fisherman's sea grows old;
His skin resembles the puckered lips
Of an octogenarian squid which long lost its last love:
A blue-eyed sapphire trying not to tremble on its shelf
In Neptune's museum.
Oh! For every white hair I find parked across my wrinkled fingers
There is but one more leaf fallen from silvery trees.
For every minute I cannot remember last week,
My yawning belly finds another turtle dove feather.
And perhaps another line – like this one –
Underlines memory before swallowing it whole.
Funny Poems About Aging In The Style Of Dante Alighieri
Infernal tropes and celestial rhymes,
Bound in parchments of poetic form,
Sequestered ‘mongst immortal scribes,
A tale of time and weary face, I warn.
Upon this night, when stars align in jest,
And Luna mocks with her half-witted grin,
I find a maze where none before hath quest:
An odyssey of aging to begin.
Lo! With each step, the path doth shrink –
The treads that bore my youth no more remain!
Seeking refuge in the ink
That Time had spilled upon me, I complain.
As crow's feet fly across an ashen brow
And silver tendrils reach for temples fair,
This mortal frame a comic mask, endow
With lines like roads on cartographer's affair.
And yet, amidst this labyrinthine fare
Where laughter forged by wrinkles does reside,
Emerge the tales of life lived free from care;
The testament to years that shall not hide.
In cantos sung by voices hoarse with age,
A symphony of wisdom fills the air.
They chant these words with obstinate rage:
Memento mori — be aware!
For Time doth play his tricks on all,
A jester weaving days to moonlit threads.
He plucks each strand until we fall –
Our harp-like forms return whence we were bred.
Yet while a canvas crinkles under brush
Of time's cruel hand and wicked fate unwound,
So too springs forth a masterpiece's hush –
An opus framed within an aged crown.
No longer shall I fear becoming sage –
This figure etched by moments lost and found.
What once appeared as jest within this stage
Now blooming truth – eternal wit unbound!
Funny Poems About Aging In The Style Of Maya Angelou
When The Crows Come Home To Roost
Now I've grown wise to the sky's spicy secret,
I glance in the mirror with a slight regret,
And see the girls running through forests of green,
But I'm left to catch feathery flies in my dream.
They tell me time's tide shall snatch all beauty away,
Give me four-score years and funeral day,
But I say, “Darling, the crescent moon still glows,
As it did when my hair was not white as snow.”
Oh, let those crows come home to roost on my face!
My lips may wrinkle but they still know their place.
For even as Age whispers sweet nothings in my ear,
I'll kick off these age-old shoes like yesteryear.
And tromp through silver puddles free and wild!
In this body that may long have ceased being child,
My laughter will rise, like the sun at high noon,
Chasing away shadows, and old maiden swoons.
As sister crow dances on limbs ‘bove a pond
While her partner races to join before dawn;
I look at these wrinkles morphing into smiles
And say, “Yes dear Time, you've marched on for miles.”
“But remember I've danced alongside your rhythm!”
So how dare we disdain this beautiful prism?
This web of wood steals our breath too soon
To cast us into hellos that turn goodbye moons.
So please give me more wrinkles if they mean more laughs!
More sunrises kissed by dripping giraffe
Whose tears of joy race down his ol' wrinkled neck –
If that's what awaits then sign me up next!
For when those crows come home to roost they cry:
“Let these lines be proof of a life gone awry!”
Gone swimmingly sideways, twirling and twisting.
And ain't that the best way to live? No resisting!
So I'll let those crows dance in my eyes as they please –
I'll fan them with smiles and tease them with trees
Upon which we'll build nests filled with love from the skies,
Where our laughter will echo to Heaven's surprise.
“Welcome, come rest,” we'll call out from the sands
Weaving chairs out of time, grasping handfuls of land.
Our stitches reach high spinning stories on threads,
As sister crow cries songs for our feathered heads.
Funny Poems About Aging In The Style Of Sappho
Oh, ye gods of youth and vigor, hark my plea!
T'was the dawn of my years long ago,
When I leapt upon the morning's dewy shore,
And sailed through Zephyr's breezy gale
Like a sparrow imbued with Hermes' grace.
But lo! The wretched crone of age hath come
To taunt me, 'tis a cruel jest!
The gifts that once were mine to savor,
Now soured with putrid decay.
My limbs, of supple branch and vine,
Are now but twigs that splinter forth.
And speckled spots invade my flesh;
A mottled canvas, painted by incessant time.
Where was I when Eos stole her charms,
My lashes lost their midnight shade?
In vain did Helios cast his smile on these cheeks,
Which now sink like forgotten ships swallowed by the sea.
As strength doth dwindle from my grasp,
I find myself set adrift upon a river –
Of flickering memories and careless whispers
That echo through this shifting realm of twilight haze.
Yet still amid this brittle present state
I look upon the distant shores of youth untamed.
With tender voice and lute in hand I sing:
O Aphrodite, thou art treacherous and fickle!
Thou hast abandoned me to cruel fate;
Wouldst thou have mercy on this mortal coil,
Bestow upon me once again bright Eros' gift –
To brave the tides of age with laughter bold and swift?
And thus I quiver within Her temple's gate:
A wilted flower yearning for another bloom.
Let Hesperus guide us through our twilight years –
Ye lively nymphs that dance upon the springtime breeze.
Funny Poems About Aging In The Style Of Ralph Waldo Emerson
In days of yore, when youthful mirth
Ignored the woes of growing old,
I traveled through this mortal coil,
Unknowing what the years would hold.
But lo! The time has come at last
When age casts its impending spell—
The secret pact with Father Time
A truth we hardly dare to tell.
As I traverse life's autumnal shades,
One day I chanced upon my fate:
A silver strand, a wrinkle earned,
A memory sung in dying light.
My eyes, once sharp as eagle's gaze,
Now falter in their trusted power;
No longer can they clearly see
The words that pass the midnight hour.
These limbs which climbed and danced with glee
Upon the world's untrodden stage,
Now creak and sigh like rusted gates—
Mere shadows of that former age!
Yet still within this weathered shell,
My spirit yearns for youth's embrace;
As God decrees our numbered days,
With humor shall I plead my case.
“Oh, Time!” I cried, “Thou heartless thief!
Why dost thou pilfer as thou please?
Return to me my stolen youth!”
And yet—the hourglass cannot cease.
Tears cannot summon back lost days,
But laughter brings a healing balm;
For age is but another jest,
A trickster in his playful charm…
Henceforth let every wrinkle sing
Of laughter found and joy embraced!
May every step become a waltz—
This dance of life with grace adorned!
For we are all like ancient trees
Whose roots grow deep in wisdom's soil;
And though our leaves may fade and fall,
New shoots shall rise from seeds unknown.
So let us frolic in the face of age—our worthy foe!
Be bent not broken by the strife;
For humor is the sweetest balm,
The ageless song of human life.
Tips For Writing Your Own (Funny Poems About Aging)
1. Start with a Bang, Literally!
Every great piece of writing starts with an explosive introduction. Your readers don't have time for a lengthy slow burn, so grab their attention from the get-go.
A powerful opening line not only hooks them in but it also sets the tone for the rest of your piece.
For instance, try using an unexpected analogy or a bold statement that makes them think twice before scrolling past (Pro Tip: avoid clickbait at all costs because nobody appreciates being misled).
This will help you establish credibility as a knowledgeable writer and pave the way for some truly amazing content.
2. Be Your Own Thesaurus
Gone are the days when writers stuck to tried and tested phrases that had been around since Shakespeare's time. You're living in a modern urban world, and your writing should reflect that.
Become best friends with your dictionary and learn to play around with language, bringing freshness to your work by using snappy phrases and clever metaphors like you just came up with them while taking your daily morning jog around Central Park.
- “He was as agile as a cat on hot bricks.”
- “She rolled her eyes so hard they nearly left orbit.”
Remember: being original is key – after all, “Why fit in when you were born to stand out?” (Thank you, Dr. Seuss!)
3. Give Your Writing Some Swagger
As much as people appreciate well-written content, it’s also important to keep things engaging by adding some flair to your writing style (Note: Without going overboard!).
Think about how you can make each sentence dance off the page – or screen – adding rhythm and pace through:
Punchy sentence structures,
mindful use of alliteration,
and, of course,
a dash of humor.
You're not just writing for your English professor; you’re engaging with modern urban readers who want to quickly scan through and get the jist, so make sure your style matches their vibe.
4. A Picture Paints a Thousand Words
That old adage is true – incorporating visuals into your writing can help to drive your point home (Extra marks if they make readers chuckle).
Don’t shy away from images, GIFs, or even memes because they can add depth and texture to your piece. For example:
- A pie chart illustrating how much time you spend procrastinating versus actually writing – spoiler alert: it’s a lot.
- An infographic mapping out the path from writing an amazing article to becoming the next J.K. Rowling (hey, we can dream).
These fun additions will not only break up large chunks of text but also remind readers that reading should be an enjoyable experience.
5. Keep It Short and Sweet
Let's face it; we all have short attention spans – especially in this digital age. Cut the fluff and keep things tight by delivering high-impact information in as few words as possible.
To achieve this, remember “B.R.O”: Be Relevant Only.
Eliminate unnecessary adjectives, stick to one idea per paragraph and avoid rambling like it's a deadly disease (Pro Tip: Reading your work aloud helps detect areas where you might lose reader interest).
Just like with fashion, sometimes less is more!
6. Quote Your Heroes (or Villains!)
Weaving in quotes from well-known figures adds gravitas to your writing and demonstrates that you're well-read and knowledgeable about your subject matter.
Don't be afraid to throw in a cheeky quote from your favorite celebrity, author or even a historical figure if it helps make your point.
Here's an example: “As Oscar Wilde once said, ‘Be yourself; everyone else is already taken' – so let's apply this philosophy to our writing!”
Just don't forget those all-important attribution credits because no one likes a plagiarist.
7. Wrap It Up Like a Pro
End on a high note by delivering an unforgettable conclusion (No pressure!).
Your readers have stuck with you throughout your amazing piece, so reward them with something impactful that leaves them feeling satisfied or motivates them to take action.
Perhaps sum up the main points of your article, offer some final food for thought or end with an interesting question that lingers in their minds as they head off into the sunset (or the subway).
With these seven tips under your belt, you’re well on your way to crafting some seriously amazing prose. Now go forth and conquer the modern urban literary world!
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